The Bayville Players Present The Raven
by Lillith04
Summary: A funny little parody fic dedicated to the lovely season of halloween. FINISHED Please R&R, to tell me what you'd like the Bayville Players to present next.
1. Part I

Just a little two shot in honor of Halloween, my favorite holiday, and Edgar Allan Poe, one of my favorite authors. Not all the characters will be highlited, as there isn't a great many roles to fill. I'm lazy, and not going to do my traditional novel style writing, though, if this little one is popular, I might consider changing it. ^^ Please enjoy!!  
  
Disclaimer - I do not own X-Men Evolution, or any of the characters or related indica. I hate you stupid Marvel, I'd steal them from you in a second!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
The Raven, By Edgar Allan Poe  
  
(Adapted To Stage By Dr. Hank McCoy)  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
The lights on the stage dimmed, making the small auditorium become very dark. Suddenly, a spotlight turn s on, to highlight a single person sitting in a old, victorian era padded arm chair, on the opposite side of the stage, with their back to the audience. Once the din from the crowd has hushed, the person turns around and clears their throat.  
  
Scott stands up, wearing an older style housecoat. Looks over the audience, quietly, as the curtains open.  
  
The stage is set to be the library of a large mansion, a fire crackling ominously against the far wall. Old books line the shelves, all having a thick layer of dust opon them. A small table sits in the center of the room, with a picture on it, Kitty's face upon it. An old armchair, similar to Scott's, sits in the center of the room, with a man seated in it. With his head bowed, hiding his identity, he is wearing a housecoat, and, oddly enough, pink bunny slippers.  
  
Pietro: "Lance! You idiot! Couldn't you find anything classier?? Pink??"  
  
Lance: "Shut up, no one else in this friggin' city seems to wear slippers, except Wolverine."  
  
He clunks Pietor over the head with a rolled up newspaper.  
  
Pietro: "WHAT...?!?! LOGAN-"  
  
Pietro gets cut off as the play begins.  
  
Scott: "Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,  
  
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore."  
  
Piotr lifts his head, looking out to the audience, and sighs. He removes a book from the table, the only other object upon it besides Kitty's picture. Before opening it, the audience catches a quick glance of the cover. Advanced Nuclear Physics.  
  
Pietro: "You're telling me you couldn't get anything else other than that??"  
  
Toad: "Trust me, that's some lore that I want to be forgotten, yo."  
  
Suddenly Forge runs out grabs the book from Piotr, and quick dissapears again, hitting Toad over the head with the heavy book on his way out.  
  
Forge: "Stay away from my stuff! steal something from Dr. McCoy next time!!"  
  
Lance and Pietro sweatdrop.  
  
Scott: "While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,  
  
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door."  
  
On cue, a loud knock issues from a door on the opposite side of the stage from Scott. It is angled enough for the audience to see it, yet they can't see behind it.  
  
Piotr glanced up towards the door, and mutters, shaking his head like he is imagining things.  
  
Piotr: "Tis some visitor tapping at my chamber door. Only this, and nothing more."  
  
Suddenly, a second spotlight illuminates, on the opposite side of the second one, right above Scott. Bobby is standing there, in a coat identical to Scotts, with the same armchair behind him.  
  
Bobby: "Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December, and each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor."  
  
A vicous laugh sounds from up above the stage, on the catwalks, where Amara and Pyro can be seen. Pyro laughs gleefully as he and Amara send thousands of tiny sparks raining down upon the set.  
  
Pyro: "burn, Burn, BURN!!! Aye, mates, now this's entertainment!!"  
  
Amara rolls her eyes, and Scott continues to narrate as Bobby shoots out ice blasts to keep the stage from setting on fire.  
  
Scott: "Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow from my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore."  
  
Piotr gazes at the picture of Kitty while Pietro shivers from offstage.  
  
Pietro: "That's disgusting! Toad does that surceasing stuff all the time. That green goo is nasty!"  
  
Gambit comes up from behind the three, and hits them all over the head with his staff at the same time.  
  
Gambit: "That's secreting, ya idiot. An' shut up, will ya? They is tryin' ta' create some 'rt."  
  
Bobby: "For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore, nameless here for evermore."  
  
Storm, from offstage, began summoning wind to make the curtains rustle.  
  
Scott: "And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain..."  
  
Storm, however, get a little too enthusiastic ends up knocking over a piece of the scenery, revealing Jean making out with.... Apocolypse..?  
  
Jean looks up, towards the audience and Scott, then shrugs.  
  
Jean: "He's gonna rule the world, Scott, that's more than you can say."  
  
Scott stares, jaw dropped, until Roberto comes up and replaces the scenery to it's rightful place.  
  
Scott: "Jean!! Jean, you sleazy bitch!!"  
  
He pauses, and with no reply, except for a muffled giggle, he growls and marches off the stage, throwing down his housecoat.  
  
Scott: "I quit!!"  
  
There is a murmur throught the audience, until Evan emerges onto the stage. He picks up Scott's abandoned coat and puts it on, preparing to take his place.  
  
Bobby: "Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before; So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating...."  
  
Piotr: "'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door - Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door."  
  
Bobby: "This it is, and nothing more."  
  
Evan: "Presently my heart grew stronger; hesitating then no longer..."  
  
Piotr: "Sir,"  
  
Bobby: "Said I."  
  
Piotr rose from his chair, putting down the book, and started walking towards the door on the opposite side of the stage. He spoke his lines as he moved.  
  
Piotr: "...or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore; But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping, And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door, That I scarce was sure I heard you -"  
  
With a bit of a shiver, Piotr reaches forward and grabs onto the door handle, flinging it open wide.  
  
Evan: "Here I opened wide the door."  
  
Bobby: "Darkness there and nothing more."  
  
Suddenly, the lights on the entire auditorium go out, cloaking the audience in complete blackness. Only a moment ensues before the lights gradually begin to fade on again, leaving the stage as it was before the play started, curtains drawn.  
  
Professor X: "Ladies and gentlemen, this signals our halfway intermission point! Please feel free to take a stretch, and grab a drink, before the play resumes in 10 minutes."  
  
Sabertooth: "And don't any of you idiots be bringing food or drink back into the seating area."  
  
Logan: "And so help me god, if I here any gossip about my slippers....." 


	2. Part II

Whoot! Thanks to the people who rated, I really appriciate your support. I'm glad someone likes it! ^^ And $$, you're right, The Simpsons did an AWESOME parody of The Raven.  
  
Disclaimer - I don't own X-Men evolution, or any of the related incidca. Damnit! Why couldn't I have ben born the daughter of the guy that owns Marvel?  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
The Raven, Part II, By Edgar Allan Poe  
  
(Adapted To Stage By Dr. Hank McCoy)  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
As the crowd begins to mull back into the auditorium and find their seats, the lights begin to dim.  
  
Professor X: "Welcome back to the second half of Poe's The Raven, presented by the Bayville Players!"  
  
Sabertooth: "Sit down and your seats and shut up. We don't want you ruining the show for everyone else. If you refuse to obey, we'll have one of our friendly ushers escort you from the building."  
  
Two small lights flash to the back of the auditorium, where Mystique and Magneto stand, wearing usher uniforms. They grin evily, and everyone turns around and faces the stage quietly. The lights begin to dim again, and two spot lights appear, flashing back upon Evan and Bobby, the two narrators. The curtains slowly open, revealing Piotr standing over by the door, which is open, revealing nothing by darkness.  
  
Evan: "Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning. Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before."  
  
Again, an ominous pounding sound echos from beyond the window, on the other side of the room. He blinks, and quickens his pace, moving over towards the window, speaking as he does.  
  
Piotr: "Surely,"  
  
Bobby: "Said I."  
  
Piotr: "Surely that is something at my window lattice! Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore!"  
  
Piotr continues to move over to the window, and the volume of his voice rises dramatically as he goes on, building tension.  
  
Piotr: "Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore! 'Tis the wind and nothing more!"  
  
Piotr reaches forward, violently grabbing the window frame and throwing it open, breathing heavily, as if being tormented by something from the inside.  
  
Evan: "Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter, in there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore."  
  
Then, suddenly, through the large window, in flutters Warren Worthington, cloaked in complete black. He is wearing a little hood, with a yellow beak jutting out over his eyes, shadowing his face, and his normally white wings are draped in black cloth.  
  
Bobby: "Not the least obeisance made he;"  
  
Evan: "Not a minute stopped or stayed he."  
  
Bobby: "But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door, perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door."  
  
Warren flutters over towards the door, and perches upon Freddy's head, which is set as a decoration above the door. Freddy is wearing a blond wig, in ringlets, and an old, Greek, metal war helmet. He grunts slightly as Warren shifts his weight and fold his wings, trying not to fall off.  
  
Freddy: "C'mon, Dude, you need to lose some weight!"  
  
Warren merely snorts, and ignores the remark.  
  
Freddy: "Well, for a rich guy, you think you'd be able to afford some liposuction or something."  
  
Warren: "You're the one who needs liposuction, you fat sack of crap!"  
  
Freddy growls, and shakes his head, making Warren nearly fall off.  
  
Freddy: "Watch it, bird boy, or you'll be tasting like chicken tonight!!"  
  
Bezerker comes up behind the stage, and launches a bolt of electricity into Freddy, which, in turn, shocks Warren as well.  
  
Bezerker: "Shut up and let them get on with the play! You can settle this later!"  
  
The two mumble, but do as told, and the play resumes.  
  
Both (Evan and Bobby): "Perched and sat and nothing more."  
  
At this point, Sam walks onto the stage, a third spotlight following him. He wears a housecoat just like Bobby and Evan's. He makes his way to the center of the stage, and sits down. He doesn't have an armchair like the other two.  
  
Sam: "Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling, by the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore."  
  
Piotr: "Though thy crest be shorn and shaven thou art sure no craven.Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore. Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"  
  
All Three (Sam, Evan, Bobby): "Quoth the raven..."  
  
Warren: "Nevermore!"  
  
Bobby: "But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only that one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour."  
  
Sam: "Nothing further then he uttered, not a feather then he fluttered, till I scarcely more than muttered..."  
  
Piotr: "Other friends have flown before -  
  
On the morrow will he leave me, as my hopes have flown before."  
  
All Three: "The the bird said..."  
  
Warren: "Nevermore!!"  
  
Evan: "But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,  
  
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door."  
  
Piotr rises and moves over to his chair, which he moves over to the door. He sinks into it, clasping his hands under his chin in thought, gazing at Warren seated above the door. Warren blinks worriedly, and glares back at Piotr.  
  
Bobby: "Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore-"  
  
Sam: "What this grim, ungainly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore meant in croaking `Nevermore.'"  
  
Evan: "Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer swung by angels whose faint foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor."  
  
A muffled protest could be heard from the side of the stage, from beyond the curtain.  
  
Voice: "I, like, don't want to do this! Rouge, you'd be much better at it!"  
  
Rouge: "Dance around in'a dress? Sorry, sugah, but 'chu got meh all wrong. Ask Gambit about the easy-access skirt he bought meh, and he'll attest tah that."  
  
Gambit nods, a large pink hand print painfully showing on one side of his face.  
  
Gambit: "True, chere, though that wonderful piece o' cloth would'a made Gambit's job alot easier...."  
  
Kitty: "And you'd, like, look cute in a skirt! I got some stuff you could borrow, like, if you wanted to!"  
  
Rouge growled, fustrated, and gave Kitty a shove out onto the stage with one boot. Katherine Pryde stumbled out into the audience's view, wearing a light blue dress in bright contrast with the drab, dull colors of the surrounding room. Her hair is brushed to shine, let down to fall about her shoulers. Upon each shoulder blade has been sewn a white, feathered wing, like those found upon angles. Blushing madly, Kitty gracefully glides her way over to Piotr, throwing herself over the arm of his chair. He doesn't notice.  
  
Piotr: "Wretch!!"  
  
Bobby: "I cried,"  
  
Piotr: "Thy God hath lent thee! By angels hath he sent thee!! Respite, respite and nepenthe from the memories of Lenore! Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!!"  
  
All Three: "Quoth the raven..."  
  
Warren: "Nevermore."  
  
Piotr, now visibly enraged, bolts up from the chair, nearly shaking. His sudden movement causes 'Lenore' to fall from her place, and lie crumpled, dead, upon the floor.  
  
Piotr: "Prophet!"  
  
Evan: "Said I,"  
  
Piotr: "Thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn, It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels named Lenore! Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels named Lenore!!"  
  
All Three: "Quoth the raven..."  
  
Warren: "Nevermore."  
  
Piotr is now screaming, shouting his words at the Raven. His face is contorted with anger and fustration. It is clear he would kill the bird, now, if he only had the chance.  
  
Piotr: "Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!"  
  
Bobby: "I shrieked, upstarting."  
  
Piotr: "Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore! Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken! Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door! Take thy beak from out my heart, and take tha form from off my door!"  
  
All Three: "Quoth the raven..."  
  
Warren: "Nevermore!"  
  
Piotr screams in agony, the fire of his soul, and collapses to the floor, overtop of Kitty's body, in a last embrace. In the process, he has knocked the picture of Lenore off the arm of the chair, which falls to the floor, shattering.  
  
At the moment the glass shatters the whole stage goes dark. A brief second later, a very, VERY dim light brings back a foggy view of the stage, a lone spotlight, that IS bright, shining from behind Warren, wings outspread, to cast his shadow upon the floor. As they talk, the lights continue to dim even more, until, at the last word, the whole auditorium is bathed in darkness.  
  
Evan: "And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting on the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door."  
  
Sam: "And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,  
  
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor."  
  
Bobby: "And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor  
  
Shall be lifted- "  
  
All Three: "Nevermore!!"  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Whee!! ^_^ I love Edgar Allan Poe, thus my inspiration to actually finish this fic. I liked "The Bayville Players" idea so much, I think I'm gonna continue it as a series. Please review and tell me what you'd like to see next, I'm thinking either Cyrano DeBergerac with Kurt playing Cyrano, or a Shakespearean play. ^__^ Tell me what you think!! 


End file.
